Very suddenly, starting about 15 minutes ago, the urge to write again has appeared after almost a month of feeling that there was absolutely nothing to say. Somehow the last posting made it out despite all feelings to the contrary, but given that the title was “Hitting the Wall”, it didn’t exactly inspire confidence that more prolific writing was coming soon. It’s impossible to say how eager I’ll be to write again in the future, but yesterday and today I’ve definitely felt that a particular energy has finally passed through (for the most part at least).
It’s that energy that I want to say something about, because it was linked in a very important way to what has been happening. It seemed to culminate two days ago, when I felt significant anger and resentment coming up for a better part of the day. That might sound routine, but for me it is an extremely rare occurrence to experience much anger at all any more. When it does come up, usually it is not very intense and doesn’t last more than a few seconds. However, the other day was different. I won’t go into the details about all the thoughts I had linked to it (let’s just say my work supervisors probably wouldn’t be too eager to hear them), but I will say that it had me very perplexed. Where was it coming from? I had no idea at all, to be honest. In meditation, I really felt it deeply within the Heart, and realized that such anger has an equal place with love and every other emotion. At that moment, there was some kind of physical sensation, which I can only describe as “integration”. Truthfully, I don’t know what it was; but after that, I definitely felt a shift in being. Two days later, I find myself thinking how ridiculous those same thoughts seem today.
These types of experiences have become much more commonplace over the course of the last several months. Latent energies, or whatever you want to call them, will “surface” and manifest in a variety of ways. For instance, not too long ago I had to bail out of a party invitation at the last minute because my arm was so sore I could barely move (try explaining that one to a party host). It came up quite suddenly, and then almost just as quickly, it disappeared a day later. I’ve experienced almost every emotion known to man at various times as well. I’ve come to accept these experiences as natural, although I’m thankful that I haven’t had to go into too many details to explain myself to others when they do happen. People around me just think I’m a bit odd at times, especially when I answer their questions with silence.
It’s important to point out the value of allowing these experiences the room to take course without intervention (when possible). Meditation can facilitate this process. On the other hand, it is also quite common for people to use meditation to attempt to control or suppress such occurrences. Many concentration techniques, such as visualization, following the breath, mantra, and others, can be used to maintain control over the mind and body. They can even be used to produce altered states of consciousness. But this is not true meditation. True meditation is a natural state of being, a state of “transparency”.
Many life principles other than meditation tend to also work this way. For example, the so-called “law of attraction” that seems so popular nowadays is similar. Many people hear about it and try to manipulate it to match their desires. I often hear people say things like, “I manifested such and such”. It’s not true. Life manifests. There is no “I”. Attempts to control manifestation are manipulation, pure and simple. Manipulation isn’t necessarily bad, it just is what it is. When I want to leave the room, I manipulate the doorknob. Of course, it is also quite possible for the body to leave the room without any desire or thinking at all, operating in the natural state.
If you look up the word “transparent” in the dictionary, it will say something like “so sheer as to permit light to pass through”. The natural state of being is transparent, in a sense. Energy can pass through unobstructed by thoughts or desires. Thus I refer to the process of allowing the natural passage of energies as “becoming transparent”. Another way of looking at it is to allow the natural intelligence of the universe to take its course.
Try and you will find in pain a joy which pleasure cannot yield, for the simple reason that acceptance of pain takes you much deeper than pleasure does. The personal self by its very nature is constantly pursuing pleasure and avoiding pain. The ending of this pattern is the ending of the self. The ending of the self with its desires and fears enables you to return to your real nature, the source of all happiness and peace. The perennial desire for pleasure is the reflection of the timeless harmony within. It is an observable fact that one becomes self-conscious only when caught in the conflict between pleasure and pain, which demands choice and decision. It is this clash between desire and fear that causes anger, which is the great destroyer of sanity in life. When pain is accepted for what it is, a lesson and a warning, and deeply looked into and heeded, the separation between pain and pleasure breaks down, both become experience - painful when resisted, joyful when accepted.
- Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj, I Am That
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