Silent Musings

Many people on the spiritual path have struggled with the notion of finding a teacher that can be a proper guide for their awakening. There is often a tendency to think of finding “the perfect teacher”, but in fact, the existence of such beings is a myth. The culture of self-realization often doesn’t do much to dispel this myth, either. In my opinion, it has been the source of serious problems for many spiritual seekers, propagated by the intense desire for (or attachment to) finding the image of perfection in another being. Ultimately, it is no more than a projection of self-loathing, which can cause all sorts of damaging entanglements for both the aspirant and the teacher.

Here is a clip of my own teacher, David Spero, speaking about the relationship between spiritual aspirants and their teachers (gurus). The more I have grown into my own understanding since first meeting David some years ago, the more I have come to appreciate his wisdom, and this video is no exception. There is nothing I could say that would express my views on the subject any more clearly than David does here.

It is a common error in conventional spiritual understanding to think that a realized spiritual master is immune from feeling. The conventional understanding of enlightenment as being beyond attachment seems to breed this kind of misunderstanding. However, in reality, no one is immune from hurt, or even attachment. Even avatars have peculiarities of affection and taste. This is true even if they dissociate from so-called normal society, even if they lead unconventional lives of solitude. If you actually found yourself with one of these unique beings and spent time with him, you might see amazing peculiarities in personality as well as a deep vulnerability based on human feeling. Scholars and thinkers have created a mystique about spirituality and meditation, based on dreaming about the lives of such beings or taking one aspect of their behavior and amplifying it to an extreme, finally framing it as a constant or universal pattern or stereotype. -David Spero

Many people these days seem to get very excited over so-called “manifestation” techniques. But the simple fact is, barring a long term change in habitual patterns, they don’t work. Sure, people will tell you all the great things they created using these techniques, but it is a bit like a chronic gambler who will tell you which bets came back as winners, conveniently forgetting the (far more frequent) losers.

This isn’t to say you can’t be at cause in the creation of your destiny. Of course you can, and do, all the time. And the habits that manifestation gurus propose that you adopt are generally beneficial over the long term. But far too often I see people who are looking for the quick fix, and the belief systems that arise around the notion of manifestation are dangerous to one’s overall well being, much in the same way chronic gambling can be.

The reason why manifestation techniques “don’t work” for most people is that habits of the mind don’t change so easily. Let’s say there is a long term pattern that you want to change - for example, you may be tired of having so little money. So you decide to manifest a big pot of gold for yourself. Like most everyone else, you get reactivated by certain queues from the environment, and you automatically respond like a machine. For instance, this may show up as being easily discouraged by setbacks, and then subsequently sabotaging any significant progress toward your goal. Another way of saying it is this - if you are conditioned to be poor, to think that a week’s worth of thinking of wealth is going to make a significant difference is simply foolishness. Similarly, if you were conditioned instead to be wealthy, do you think manifesting wealth for a week would make a significant difference? Of course not. Riches would come either way.

Anyone you know (including yourself) who has manifested anything significant achieved that result by cultivating the seeds of success long before the occurrence of the outcome. Here is another example to consider. Have you ever noticed that some people have much more powerful speaking than others? That what they say tends to come true? Why do you suppose it happens that way? Because they use manifestation techniques? Not by a long shot. It’s simply a matter of personal integrity. People who have cultivated the habits (over the long term) of doing good deeds and/or keeping their promises have more power in what they say, plain and simple.

If you really want to manifest a new way of living your life, you’ll have to cultivate new habits. And generally, there is no “easy” way to do this. It takes (long term) practice. The most effective tool that I know of for accomplishing real, lasting change in habits is meditation.

Meditation is a (long-term) practice that permanently alters the habits of the mind. It is slow, tedious, boring, but it works. One could say that the ultimate “end” or “goal” of meditation is to reach the “natural state”, sahaja, wu wei, nirvana, bodhi, or whatever you want to call it. But basically it means that human functioning happens independently of the habits of the mind. This is what is meant in the Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 18 where Krishna says:

The person whose mind is always free from attachment,
Who has subdued the mind and senses,
And who is free from desires, attains
The supreme perfection of freedom
From Karma through renunciation.

It doesn’t mean you look into the mind, and feel a sense of freedom, as a concept. Rather, that functioning is “free” of the constraints normally imposed by the mind.

Here’s an exercise you can try. Sit and meditate, paying attention only to your body sensations. Notice the habitual patterns. They come and go, but invariably the same ones will show up over and over again. Notice the (automatic) thoughts and feelings that you associate to those patterns of sensations. For example, do you feel anxious? Tired? Excited? Do you feel as though you are “holding on” to something? If you don’t notice any of these, keep observing. When you do notice a habitual pattern and response, what happens? Do those sensations and thoughts go away? If so, do they come back?

If you do this exercise for long enough or often enough, what you’ll eventually realize is that the habitual energy patterns are ingrained in you like grooves in a vinyl record, which plays the same songs over and over again. The Sanskrit word for this phenomenon is samskara. You are more comfortable with these patterns than you realize. If and when these “habit energies” do cease, it can cause tremendous fear. As in fear of dying. Thus you hold on unwittingly. Even if you do see them for what they are, it is not easy to let go of them. Any effort will hold them in place, and there’s no telling how long they will stay around if you just observe. It could be years.

And even if you do (temporarily) penetrate the habits of the mind and “see the Tao”, you will realize that this in no way eliminates the karmic tendencies (habit energies) that “belong” to you. This requires many years of cultivation for all but the rarest of individuals. This is why some people who have a big spiritual experience, thinking maybe even that they have been enlightened, later come to find that the old self returns as reliably as on any other ordinary day.

Contrary to what some may believe, the “enlightened state”, sahaja, is not free of habit. It’s just that the habits that do manifest are not a result of habitual ego clinging to thoughts. The heart still beats, the body sleeps, the physiognomy is preserved, and if it has chronic back pain, it will most likely continue. It may even prefer vegetable curry over spaghetti and meatballs. Like it says in the Heart Sutra below, “that which is form is emptiness, that which is emptiness (is) form.” I’ll let you contemplate the meaning of that phrase on your own time. While doing so, may you be at peace with all of your habits.

Heart of Perfect Wisdom (Prajna Paramita) Sutra

Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva
when practicing deeply the Prajna Paramita
perceives that all five skandhas are empty
and is saved from all suffering and distress.

Shariputra,
form does not differ from emptiness,
emptiness does not differ from form.
That which is form is emptiness,
that which is emptiness form.

The same is true of feelings,
perceptions, impulses, consciousness.

Shariputra,
all dharmas are marked with emptiness;
they do not appear or disappear,
are not tainted or pure,
do not increase or decrease.

Therefore, in emptiness no form, no feelings,
perceptions, impulses, consciousness.

No eyes, no ears, no nose, no tongue, no body, no mind;
no color, no sound, no smell, no taste, no touch,
no object of mind;
no realm of eyes
and so forth until no realm of mind consciousness.

No ignorance and also no extinction of it,
and so forth until no old age and death
and also no extinction of them.

No suffering, no origination,
no stopping, no path, no cognition,
also no attainment with nothing to attain.

The Bodhisattva depends on Prajna Paramita
and the mind is no hindrance;
without any hindrance no fears exist.
Far apart from every perverted view one dwells in Nirvana.

In the three worlds
all Buddhas depend on Prajna Paramita
and attain Anuttara Samyak Sambodhi.

Therefore know that Prajna Paramita
is the great transcendent mantra,
is the great bright mantra,
is the utmost mantra,
is the supreme mantra
which is able to relieve all suffering
and is true, not false.
So proclaim the Prajna Paramita mantra,
proclaim the mantra which says:

gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha
gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha
gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha.

Gone Beyond. Gone Beyond the Beyond. Hail!

On my drive home from work yesterday, I had a very unusual experience that, for lack of a better label, I’ll call “meeting the fool”. It didn’t last very long (my commute is only 5 minutes), but its impression was definitely lasting.

I was thinking about my past, especially over the last few years, and suddenly something dawned on me. That person named “Mike” from a year ago was such a fool. At least according to today’s version. Then the obvious next thought was, “what about next year?” And of course I realized that I’ll look back to today and think, “what a fool I was.” So why wait until next year? I’ve already met the fool, and he is me. Right now.

Usually we reserve this kind of realization for others. George Bush is obviously a fool. But yesterday, I found myself alone in foolish company. And I’m still there today.

Actually, this experience runs even much deeper than what I’ve said so far. It was really one of those “down to the bone” experiences. The next thing I realized was that there is no need to invalidate whatever foolish thoughts I am having, because they are all that is right now. There is no place to get to other than being foolish. The illusion is someday I won’t be a fool, or that today I finally see the light. At least until tomorrow or next week or next year when I’ll realize that I was still a fool.

Then I noticed that the continuity of “I” was beginning to unravel. That person from last year whom I thought I was no longer exists, and never did. And even if he did exist, upon close examination I certainly don’t identify with him as I once did. What a fool would think that there is even a person there? Obviously there was no continuity at all. Just a collection of moments of “I am”.

It suddenly seemed so absurd that the need to establish identity is so prevalent in the world. Why is it that it seems so absurd? It’s not the standard reasoning about dropping the ego to escape pain or suffering or any of that nonsense. Simply absurdity. Feelings are not absurd. Just the labels we put on them.

Now there is nothing from past experience left on which to drop an anchor. Everything is different, every moment I can remember. When I think about life from moment to moment, I find that there is often a concern to be addressed (i.e. life = a series of concerns). But now those concerns just don’t seem so important when I see the discontinuity in them. What am I trying to preserve? Sometime soon, I won’t even want those preserved concerns. Instead, I’ll think, “Why did I feel that way? Why did I want that?”

Do you ever find that rather than just being who or what you are right now, you are more concerned about improving or preserving it in some form? Of course, this would be a great way to maintain the continuity of self-loathing. Even if you change for the better, you can always look back and say, “what a jerk I was.” Or if you don’t change, “how stagnant I’ve been.” Why not just embrace being the fool right now instead?

You’ve seen a herd of goats
going down to the water.

The lame and dreamy goat
brings up the rear.

There are worried faces about that one,
but now they’re laughing,

because look, as they return,
that goat is leading!

There are many different kinds of knowing.
The lame goat’s kind is a branch
that traces back to the roots of presence.

Learn from the lame goat,
and lead the herd home.

-Rumi

It’s a strange feeling for the human being who has been trained otherwise by culture for 40+ years to find that life offers no answers. None. Zero. Zip. And yet, today, I find myself in this place, wondering “what now?” And also, “how did I get here?” No answers to be found to these questions, either.

We humans have become accustomed to having answers for everything. Turn on the television and what do you see? Answers. Madison Avenue has everything you need - and now the pills even come in different colors. I work with fellow scientists all day long, and they (we) are among the most extreme - essentially, professional answer-finders. But this pathological need for answers is by no means limited to advertising and science. Just listen to conversations in everyday life. If you really want to have some fun at this, go to a dinner party and begin to present “problems” that require “solutions” and watch the feeding frenzy begin. It’s especially intense when you share your own personal problems or questions. The desire to “help” and “solve” is one of our most basic cultural addictions.

Where does this desire/addiction come from? Sorry, I don’t have an answer for you. Are you disappointed? *Smile* Well, perhaps the question is more important.

If you are one of the fortunate, you may have begun to exhaust your desire for answers and started seeing the world through a different lens. And a funny thing happens when you accept the reality that life has no answers. The questions begin to take on a whole new character.

I’m not certain that I can demonstrate exactly what I mean by questions taking on a new character here, but as an example consider the question, “Who am I?” If you ask yourself this question, you may find that you immediately have an inexhaustible collection of answers, such as, “I am a medical school professor. I used to be a professional mathematician. I’m 44 years old, divorced, with no children. I like to eat strawberries. I meditate two hours each day.” But are any of these answers actually true?

Take another look. “Who am I … really?” Yes, there is a body, and the world of thinking agrees that we should call it “Mike”. But is that body actually separate from everything else? Is it even the same body from moment to moment? Well, according to the “answer” provided by the laws of chemistry and physics: No. But go beyond that. Can you even be certain of your perception? Or the conclusions you draw from that input? Does thinking have anything to do with reality? Even if I do acknowledge that there is a body, where is “Mike” located, in time and space? When we do have “answers”, where do they come from? And what does it mean for an answer to be “correct”? As you may have realized, the questions are as inexhaustible as the answers.

What is the value, then, of questions with no answers? Well, I don’t have an answer for that, either; however, there is something curious that happens to the questioner. A “disappearance” of sorts. Somewhat like the candle that has burned all its wax in an attempt to shed light, the questioner who holds a question long enough will burn away, and leave only consciousness in its wake to “become” the answer. This is a rare occurrence, because with our abundance of pre-packaged answers, we usually just move on before the questioner is exhausted. We are like candles with infinitely long wicks, always burning, together creating a blinding light. We are the architects of Maya.

Not so long ago I stopped reading spiritual books. Perhaps like you, I’ve seen, heard, and/or read all the answers one could imagine. If books weren’t enough, I could also look at a thousand blogs with wonderful answers for every situation in life. Many with great value, too. I loved and valued those spiritual books, as well. But at some point, that questioning candle begins to burn out. And what lies beyond in the darkness is far more wonderful to behold. A Mystery. Simplicity, so stark and empty one can hardly fathom.

The ultimate Truth is so simple. It is nothing more than being in the pristine state. That is all that need be said.

Still, it is a wonder that to teach this simple Truth there should come into being so many religions, creeds, methods, and disputes among them and so on! Oh, the pity! Oh, the pity!

Because they want something elaborate and attractive and puzzling, so many religions have come into existence and each of them is so complex, and each creed in each religion has its own adherents and antagonists.

For example, an ordinary Christian will not be satisfied unless he is told that God is somewhere in the far-off Heavens not to be reached by us unaided. Christ alone knew Him and Christ alone can guide us. Therefore: Worship Christ and be saved. If told the simple truth - “The Kingdom of Heaven is within you” - he is not satisfied and will read complex and far-fetched meanings into such statements. Mature minds alone can grasp the simple Truth in all its nakedness.

-Ramana Maharshi