Today I want to say a little bit about the dissolution of the will. I’m not certain those are the right words to describe what I mean to say here, but they will have to do for now. If I go and look up all the Google searches that lead the masses to my written words, the keywords that seem to be most prevalent are such exciting mystical concepts as kundalini, samadhi, and enlightenment. Spiritual experiences. Everyone seems to want to learn about them, and frankly, I can’t really blame them. I remember those days myself, tirelessly searching through the internet for some coherent account of what I could expect after hundreds of hours sitting on a cushion.
Well, now that I have spent thousands of hours just sitting, I can tell you there is nothing that can prepare you for the experience. There is no way you will believe it, even if I tell you the whole truth of it. And frankly, it is much, much, much less exciting than what virtually everyone will tell you. In the beginning, when meditation practice is brand shiny new for you, it is easy to be fascinated by tales of enlightenment, kundalini, and samadhi. But at some point, that fascination just wears off. Like a stone at the floor of a swift flowing river, your interest in those phenomena is gradually worn down over the years.
Whatever type of practice you take up: zazen, vipassana, kundalini yoga, kriya yoga, advaita vedanta, it doesn’t matter. They all end up in the same place, unless you get attached somewhere along the way, and think “you’ve got it”. That place is knowing that your particular practice is meaningless and it’s not going to take you anywhere but here. Then it gets really interesting, in the most mundane way imaginable. Mundane because there is nothing left you can do to get anywhere meaningful, and interesting because you begin wondering how you are going to respond to living a life rendered so helpless.
Those of you who are fascinated by all the tales of spiritual excitement … I recommend that you be clear about what you are getting into. There is no way you can know what it is ahead of time, but you really do need to be willing to become nothing, otherwise, you are in for a battle of the will unlike you’ve ever experienced. And you will lose that battle in the end, one way or another. Spiritual liberation may be the only true freedom in life, but it will cost you everything. If it’s any consolation, however, your will to hold on to life’s attachments will also be mostly gone by that point, and so you won’t really care much to have anything.
Don’t misunderstand … you will still have “things”, but only because life brought them to you. You might even have a lot more things than you think you should have. But it’s too late now, because there is no one left to oppose them. Might as well just accept and deal with them. Even chaos can be monotonous, and monotony chaotic as well.
Be sure to enjoy your trip to the Void, after all, it might last 20-30 years!
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