I have heard said by those few whose wisdom I would trust with my life that there inevitably comes a time in one’s evolutionary development when all the tricks of the spiritual trade will eventually fail. Every meditation, mantra, asana, pranayama, visualization, or other “spiritual maneuver” will eventually run out of juice. Rendered utterly helpless, one has no recourse but to hope, with absolutely no guarantees, that Grace will come and take us beyond our current predicament.
I wondered about this for several years after I first heard it. It didn’t seem true, because I could always somehow manage to “make progress”, either on my own or with the assistance of others. At some point, however, I began to wonder what progress even meant. Was I kidding myself altogether about the meaning of spiritual evolution? In a way, yes, right down to the core. But this wisdom cannot be explained, at least not in any way I know how to convey. It needs to be experienced. One thing I can say for certain is that it’s not something you’ll see anyone selling on Madison Avenue. In fact, they’re all selling almost the exact opposite of what I’m talking about. Most of the spiritual teachers, too. Poor bastards. Maybe they’re the lucky ones. Blissfully unaware. But sooner or later (later for most), they will all know what I am talking about. Without a doubt.
At the same time, at least in my case, Love has a funny way of turning around. Our cultural conditioning teaches us that Love comes to us in various forms, and fills our Hearts from the outside, courtesy of the perfect Lover, the perfect God in Heaven, or the perfect calorie-free, genetically engineered Snickers bar. But the One True Heart doesn’t actually operate that way. We’re just too blind to see that we’ve been duped with a cheap substitute. And the real joke of the Universe is to discover that you, yes You, are the perpetrator of this Myth of Love. This bittersweet discovery is capped with the realization that the perfect Lover IS the Heart. Right Here. Right Now. Always Is. Always Has Been.
Many of us were taught as children that if we just prayed to the almighty Jesus, he would “deliver us”. A “spiritual maneuver” if ever there was one. You may “make progress” for a while on this path, be your God Jesus, Krishna, Allah, the Buddha, or your local neighborhood avatar. But eventually, you will find yourself more lost than ever. Helpless.
The irony is that Prayer and Devotion are your only recourse at this point. But not the manipulative sort that we were all taught as children. No, this is a radical Love story that takes place completely within. Not in a fantasy world either. True Love. You cannot explain it — you can only BE it. Let the Heart cry its deepest sorrow, pain, and yearning. If anyone tells you that suffering is optional here, know that they are full of the most oppressive kind of shit. Let the pain flow until it fills the Universe. Discover how perfectly Beautiful it is. Exquisite.
Until the mind is shaken from its hold to its transcendent center, the truly ultimate state of being cannot dawn. For becoming and Being to finally merge the heart must be shattered in devotion; then the state of Self Awareness (Paramatman) is subject to the tornadoes of feeling that are known only to the heart. Only then can you say that you’ve been beyond the place of laughter and tears in the land of devotion. — David Spero
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