Silent Musings

There may come a time in one’s life when the wisdom offered up by the available modes of cultural exchange lose their apparent usefulness. Books, magazines, television, videos, seminars, conversations with family,  friends and sages, it doesn’t matter the source. Eventually their answers all lose their appeal. I can’t say exactly when this metamorphosis happened to me, it seemed to come in phases, but one thing is certain. It left me in a strange new world. And the strangeness of that world has yet to depart, even though the world itself is in a constant state of change.

I used to look to the “outside” for the answers to my deepest questions. For a while many of the offerings seemed to make a lot of sense, and some even contributed significantly to the quality of my life. But somewhere along the line, they no longer quite fit. Then eventually, any answers I could find made about as much sense to me as, “Zombie Prom, Happy 30th Year, Cheez-Its.” It’s possible that phrase has meaning for someone, but I’m at a loss.

Turning “inside” didn’t help either. The answers there made even less sense. Have you ever really examined the contents of your thoughts? If so, then you can probably get a sense of what I’m saying  here. Even beyond thoughts, in those vast moments of complete clarity, there remains a fleeting quality of certainty. Can’t hold on to anything.

So what’s left then? Honestly, I don’t know. But there is one fortunate consequence of all this. Life has such an incredible quality of lightness and beauty to it. There isn’t any particular place to find, or result to produce. And there is no loss in starting over from ground zero, dying and being born again each moment. So go ahead, delete this essay, and see for yourself. Or not. Who knows?

People say I’m crazy doing what I’m doing
Well they give me all kinds of warnings to save me from ruin
When I say that I’m o.k. well they look at me kind of strange
Surely you’re not happy now you no longer play the game

People say I’m lazy dreaming my life away
Well they give me all kinds of advice designed to enlighten me
When I tell them that I’m doing fine watching shadows on the wall
Don’t you miss the big time boy you’re no longer on the ball

I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round
I just had to let it go

Ah, people asking questions lost in confusion
Well I tell them there’s no problem, only solutions
Well they shake their heads and they look at me as if I’ve lost my mind
I tell them there’s no hurry
I’m just sitting here doing time

I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round
I just had to let it go
I just had to let it go
I just had to let it go

-John Lennon