Silent Musings

It seems like forever has passed since I last wrote something. A big taboo for blog writers, so they say, you might lose your readers along the way. Well, it doesn’t much matter, because I don’t have many readers, nor do I much care about growing or maintaining such numbers. The truth is that although I might often have something of value to share, I’m not always in a state of mind to be able to do so easily. Some would call it a phase. I would call it a human being.

There is something I once heard about Truth, that to find it is easy and free, but once you do, it will cost you everything. This is why so few are serious and honest with themselves regarding their spiritual journeys. It’s an excruciating process to let go of everything. In fact, I don’t recommend it at all. In our typical American fashion, we think maybe we can achieve such a feat in a weekend or two. Or, if we have to work especially hard, maybe six months. It does occasionally occur in flashes that we totally let go, but it oh-so-rarely lasts more than a few minutes or hours or days. You’re probably better off if you never have that flash. Then at least you live without the illusion of a quick fix.

Awakening isn’t a fix for that something missing. If anything, it’s quite the opposite. It’s the elimination of the process by which “missing” occurs as “something”. And for most of us, that’s just about everywhere in life. The unraveling of this process will destroy everything you think you know, and everything you think you are. Thus, you ought to avoid the Truth unless you are certain that you absolutely no longer have a choice. And even then you should avoid it anyway. Because, by the time you realize this is the way it’s going to be, it’s too late to turn back.

Here is just one of many possible examples. The ongoing energetic unfolding that occurs with an awakened chakra system makes very specific demands about which foods are and are not acceptable to the body. It’s not so bad in the first few years, but over time, the increase in dietary restrictions can seem quite onerous. You do have a choice - you can continue to eat those forbidden foods and feel lousy, or you can let them go. The problem, if you view it as such, is that the more you let go, the more demanding your body becomes. And then you don’t have a choice about going back to those foods you think you might miss one day. Say goodbye to pizza and beer forever, except that the smell of your friends enjoying it will be many times more clear and distinct to your olfactory lobes.

There is no telling exactly what changes spiritual awakening will bring. Every being is beautifully unique and precious. Thus, there are no contracts, other than the fact that you have signed everything over to the unfolding Mystery. Good luck with that!

So you might see now why failing to write a blog posting for more than a month can seem rather a trivial affair. Why I write at all is some mysterious combination of desiring to share what I’ve encountered, and the spontaneous unfolding of creative expression. I can’t explain, I can only write. And wish you the best, whatever your choices may be.

This type of responsibility is not something we count on when we imagine awakening. We think that awakening will be a get out of jail free card. Initially we have a relationship with the spiritual freedom of awakening that is infantile. We think that freedom is a personal thing; that it is about feeling extraordinarily good and free. But freedom is much more nuanced than that. It is not a personal thing; it is not an acquisition for us.

As we become more conscious, we begin to see that there are consequences. There are consequences to everything, and they get bigger and bigger the more we behave in ways that are not in harmony with what we know is true. This is actually a wonderful thing. It is what I call fierce grace. It is not a soft grace; it is not the kind of grace that is beautiful and uplifting. But it is a grace nonetheles. We know that when we act from what is not true, we will only be causing ourselves pain. That knowing is a grace.

-Adyashanti, from The End of Your World