Silent Musings

It is difficult to write when one has no frame of reference from which to speak. No map, no truth, nothing of which to be certain, no experience that connects to any other in any logical way. There is a distinct connection in every moment, but it is perplexingly self-referential, yet simulaneously all encompassing.

What else can I say? You had to be there? Except that there isn’t any “there” there. Maybe one day I’ll have something more to say, or maybe “I” will simply disappear into the Beautiful empty pages that emanate from the Heart.

What kind of work
Can I do in this world?

Who would be kind enough
To hire an old holy Bum,

One with a great reputation
For loving the charms
Of the lawless
And the wild artists and the lewd?

Maybe I could become a poet.

Maybe the Beloved
Will make my love so Pure

That He will come to sit upon
All my Beautiful empty pages.
And when you come to look at them,

He might kick you
With His Beautiful Divine Foot.

- Hafiz

What is communication, and why is it that I refer to communication as mysterious? For starters, it is not something that is easily understood. In fact, understanding is exactly what gets in the way of communication. It occurs on many levels, both gross and subtle. And we mostly assume that communication has some meaning, but I’m not convinced it actually does. No, in fact, true communication is a complete mystery.

I probably ought to distinguish what I’ll call “true communication” from more general notions of what communication is. True communication has a quality that is very distinct from run of the mill (cultural) discourse. In fact, most people rarely experience true communication. And yet, without a doubt, you’ve experienced it. If you’ve ever been a mother holding a newborn baby, then you know what it is. Perhaps you’ve experienced true communication in your lover’s embrace, or held the hand of someone who is dying. Maybe you’ve experienced it during a spiritual retreat. If you’ve ever delivered or received an apology that comes from the Heart, then you’ve been in true communication. It’s also been there the times you’ve been touched, moved, or inspired by someone, or if you were the one providing the inspiration.

What do all of these experiences have in common? Communication provided an “opening” for Love to be present. It was unconditional. Accepting. Without judgment. It was a creative act. And almost certainly, thinking and understanding took a backseat, at least for a short period of time.

Contrary to popular usage of the word “communication”, true communication is not “thinking on loudspeaker”. Dumping thoughts on someone has nothing to do with true communication; in fact, it is pretty much its antithesis. True communication is a state of being. Presence. As in the phrase, “being in communication”. It is a state quite distinct from “being in one’s head while speaking or listening”. True communication is not knowing. There are no expectations or preconceived notions of the circumstances or participants.

Even people who are masterful with true communication typically do not experience it all the time. It may be possible; however, in practice, it’s much more common to slip in and out of this state of true communication as thoughts creep in and take over. Most people think they know what true communication is, but the observations that I’ve made over the years suggest that it is often not the case. In fact, what distinguishes masters of true communication from average folk is the ability to recognize when true communication is present, and when it isn’t. A real master will be constantly vigilant for when true communication slips away, and in the recognition, restore it before most anyone else even notices.

Is true communication useful? Well, if it isn’t obvious by now, it is the doorway to Love. It is also a doorway to growth and awakening. A single conversation in which true communication occurs can instantly transform the lives of its participants. In terms of human interaction, it’s all anyone really wants, when you boil relationships down to their essence.

Why do you suppose that so many of those knock-down drag-out fights between lovers often end with incredible “make-up” sex? The reason is simple. It’s because after the eruption, there is a period where true communication takes place. For many couples, this is the only time that true communication happens, and in fact, I’ve witnessed cases where one partner will deliberately instigate fights in order to get to the “connection” that true communication produces. However, I don’t recommend this approach.

How to be in true communication? Like many things, it is very simple, but not always easy. Give up being right, or any need for the worldwide adoption of your infinite wisdom (also known as your point of view). It helps to listen. Actually, really listen. Without any agenda other than listening. Trying to convince anyone of anything is violence, plain and simple, and usually does more harm than good.

You might be inclined to think that this means being passive or submissive, but it does not. In fact, often I find that to be in true communication I need to be very direct and blunt, and sometimes seemingly cruel when there is an issue in the way. Not too long ago I had a conversation with a loved one in which I was very direct, and uncharacteristically confrontational. It was needed, because this person was being especially stubborn, but I could also see was willing to have a breakthrough. I delivered the communication without convincing or making wrong. In essence, I said, “I refuse to relate to you as the small person you are making yourself out to be. You are so much more than that.” Something to that effect. And with a great deal of power. Remember, true communication is not a description of an already existing world. It is declarative, even in silence, creating its world moment by moment.

It’s important to keep in mind that life is never what it seems. It only is what it is. Having a point of view is an obstacle to true communication, and to awakening as well. Often, the biggest upheavals in life occur just prior to awakening. And thus what may seem like a big problem can often be the prelude to something very grand. True communication in these situations rarely “looks like it’s going to work”, and yet mysteriously, it can provide just the opening that is needed. In other words, it has no agenda, but is somehow still effective. And yet, most of us will turn our agendas into overdrive in a situation like this when it looks like something needs fixing. This is the violence that I referred to earlier.

There is an art to “restoring” true communication. Each person and situation is different. What may succeed in one case might fail miserably in another. The best advice I can give is to become committed to recognizing when true communication seems to be lost. In reality, true communication is always present. But alas, we just don’t notice it much of the time.

True communication is not a one person phenomenon. It’s a movement of life, a current. Like awakening or enlightenment. There are no enlightened individuals, there is simply enlightenment. Yes, awakening may tend to occur in the presence of certain people, and similarly with true communication. Personally, I follow intuition about what is appropriate to the given moment. Usually I just look and see what I am inspired to say, not really knowing at all why it might be of value to someone. When I “get it right”, the results are often beyond my imagination. This is a skill that may take a lifetime to master, and yet once mastered, is completely effortless.

The Uninvited Guest

Stranger at my door,
go away, please!

Who is this Mysterious being,
Silent,
and yet so engaging?

It’s Me, you say?
No, a mirror,
your dance partner.

Please do come again!
Next time I’ll prepare a feast.

Why must you pick the flowers
that already belong to you?

Steal them away
to make love to an idea.
In your attempts to preserve a moment
you destroy me.

I die as the blade strikes.
I die as the sun shines.
I die as the bees pollinate.

No matter what violence or love
pierces the moment,
death cannot touch me.

Will you pick the flowers
tomorrow?

How can you find Love? The answer to this question is so simple, and yet, not easy. Sure, we sometimes find ourselves stumbling upon Love by accident. And yet, when we have the intention of finding Love, it often fails to show up. Why is that?

I think it helps to start with a more fundamental question: What is Love? The answer to this question is a Mystery, pure and simple, and yet, we can always recognize Love when we see it, right? Or can we? I’m going to make an assertion that seems to contradict conventional thinking about Love. Here it is: Love is always present. In fact, Love is Presence itself. Love is Experience. The failure to find Love is the failure to experience what Is. This is so simple it is beyond the simplest simplicity you can imagine. In fact, you can’t imagine Love, because Love does not dwell in the Mind. Love dwells beyond all thinking.

Why is it then that we don’t always perceive Love as it Is? The answer to this question is equally simple, and yet not so easy to realize. The perception of Love comes through simple and pure Acceptance. What is Acceptance? It is easier to say what it is not. It is not trying, or grasping, or intending. It is not thinking about something. It is not avoiding. It is not assessing, judging, or evaluating. It is not waiting for change. It is not wanting. In fact, Acceptance is not anything, other than Being. It is what Is, nothing more or less.

Searching for Love is like walking in order to find your feet. What do I mean by this? A phrase I sometimes read or hear is “finding the One”. So many people think that if they just find that one person who will make them whole, then Love will always be present. Searching for “the One” is panning for fool’s gold. Even if you find “the One”, the experience will not be different than what you are feeling right now. You don’t realize that you are The One. I am The One. The One is Everywhere and Everything. Open your eyes and let yourself See. Open your Heart and let yourself Feel. Love is Right Now.

Can you Love yourself? Yes, you already do. Can you accept that life will always be exactly as it is Right Now? Because it is always exactly as it Is Right Now. There is no future or past. There is only Now. Even change is an illusion. When you realize this you know that Love is within you, Right Here, Right Now. Is there anything about you or anyone else that is deficient, unworthy or lacking, Right Now? Deficiency does not exist in the present. It is a construct of the Mind, a product of thinking about the past and the future.

Do you want to be Connected? You already are connected to everyone and everything. Every bit of beauty that you can perceive is You. Colors, flowers, the ocean, poetry, a newborn child, a sunny afternoon, a violent storm, life, death, it is all You.

The path to Love is not through the Mind. In fact, there is no path to Love. Love already and always Is. Stop grasping and Love is revealed. You can Know yourself as Love. The key to unlock the Heart and open yourself to Love is Acceptance. To get what you want … want what you get.

Love is Duality seen through the eyes of the One, the Nondual. Connection with Other. A seeming contradiction, beautifully wrapped in the Mystery of the Universe. Let go of everything and let yourself fall into the infinite depths of her Heart.

When you Realize what I am saying here, then you Know … that I Love You.

One thing that becomes unarguably evident after sufficient meditation practice is the impermanent nature of life. Where do thoughts come from? Nowhere. And to where do they return? Nowhere. How long does it take? Not very. Yes, thoughts come and go, as does everything else. Since I moved to a new apartment this weekend, I began to reflect about the transient nature of life, and the inevitable poignant feelings that always seem to accompany change.

I’ve moved many times, and often it was to a new city. In the process, I’ve left behind a large number of friendships. Now that isn’t to say I don’t still consider those people to be friends, but being realistic, it is not easy to a large number of friendships with people spread all over the place, even with the internet (and especially not for a forgetful, thoughtless wanderer like myself). So I find myself having to deal with those feelings that come with the parting.

What are those feelings? They are difficult to describe, because there is such a mixture to them. To try and use adjectives in this circumstance just doesn’t seem right - too conceptual. I can only think of an example.

Not too long ago I went through the process of a divorce. My ex and I separated in the summer of 2005, after 15 years of marriage. While we are still on “good terms”, we never had children, so the need to communicate and see each other is minimal. It’s a strange feeling to know that she is still out there living her life, and I have very little idea how it is unfolding. It’s almost as if I want to avoid thinking about it, kind of like the way I avoid thinking about my own death. Sure the thought of it comes and goes, but to actually dwell on it is not so easy. The feeling of loss is thoughtless on its own. The Absolute. Shiva. Pure Emptiness.

Then there is the inevitable new opening for creation that emerges from the Void. There is excitement that accompanies creation. The Heart Awakening. Shakti. Love.

What is this most curious and mysterious dance between the lovers Shiva and Shakti? Is the merging of non-duality and duality the source of those poignant feelings? I don’t know. All I can do is let it be what it is and keep living and dying every moment, and being Love of all that Is. What else is there?